Johnny Handlebars The Musical (with Valley Young) at King's - 04/10/11

If you are looking for answers, you will find answers. If you are looking for an excuse, you’ll find one. If you’re desperate to find meaning, you will find enlightenment in everything you see.  These are true for all things except love; if you are looking for love, it will elude you.  That’s what they say, anyway. (Fuckin’ “they.”) ANYWHO, if you are looking to be entertained, you will be entertained. If you walk into a show with an open mind and an eager ear, you will hear what you need to hear. Thus was my experience Sunday night.

I keep stumbling into these last minute excursions, (and I certainly don’t mind by the way,) where someone cancels out on a show and has an extra ticket or gets a wild hair and says “Hey, you wanna?” and they know to call me. I always wanna. Live music – yes; I wanna. Jay asked me about Johnny Handlebars, something I had thought about doing anyway, and I only needed the gentlest of shoves and I of course, went. And it was one of those rare and pleasurable instances where I went totally alone (Jay was with his GF) and I sat alone and was able to completely focus on what was in front of me; I had no one to keep up with, to check in with or to split a tab with… nice once in a while.

First off, let me tell you Daytime!Kings is weeeeeeeeeird. I know they’ve had day functions and shows before, but I’d not experienced it before. It felt so wrong, like… digging in your mom’s underwear drawer wrong. Like that horrible feeling the first day of class in college when the teacher says "This is Buttscratch 101, make sure you're in the right class." and you have that awkward stumble out of the room being all "damn I was supposed to be in math for total idiots" and EVERYONE IS LOOKING AT YOU. You shouldn’t be able to see King's people in direct sunlight. I think it's a rule somewhere. If it's not a rule, I'm making a rule right now. It's like seeing your fifth grade teacher at the gay bar. It's a total “something isn’t right here” feeling. This is the dumbest paragraph I've ever written but look at me go! I ain't erasing it! Long to short: King's in the daylight is bizzarro.

So for the second time ever, (first being Ed Schrader,) perhaps attributed to the fact that I was alone and sober, I actually took notes on a performance. But as I said in the beginning of this post, if you are looking for magic, you will find it. And I had had a magical/loving weekend so far and when Valley Young took the stage this early evening, as I was not actually expecting a musical act, I was already surprised. And I LOVE surprises, good or bad, so I was already having the happies.

I had never heard of Valley Young. They announced three facts, the only three facts I can confirm for you now: They are from Tennessee. They opened the last time Johnny Handlebars was performed. They were only two of a larger outfit band. One guy, one girl. Later introductions, gushings, and business card exchanges later I discover another fact that somehow amplified my already blossoming crush on this duo, and if this doesn't convince you to check them out I don’t know what will: Their names are Artemus and Annabelle… ARTEMUS AND ANNABELLE! I shit you not! That is the cutest thing I have ever heard in my whole life. Their names might as well have been BABY PANDA and PILE OF KITTENS.

Silly intros aside, let me tell you about Valley Young... (Maybe I just have a thing for bands with the word 'young' in them?) I loved it, maybe I was just in that magic happy open minded lovey dovey mood, but I think anyone who was there early enough and paid attention heard what I heard. It was pretty much one of my favorite new things I've heard in a really long time.

These are my actual iphone notes:
-Valley Young - East Tennessee - CHARMING!
-When she sings, I like her voice best, but then he sings and I like his voice best, but then those harmonies! Delicate, gentle, and comforting. Almost hymnal. Her chord progressions are angelic. Something more spiritual than folk, more depth than alt-country, grittier than gospel.
-Sounds like driving the Blue Ridge Parkway in spring with the windows down. Reminds me of family. Makes me miss Granny and Poppa. But a good missing. Bittersweet. Reminds me I was lucky to love & be loved by granny and poppa.
-Cried during song they just announced "ink wasn't dry on yet" - ask what the name of this song is! (Note: I forgot to ask – hey Valley Young, if you see this, record that song asap and send it to me! It was the second to last song?)
-Really hope they have merch. I need this music on my ipod stat so I can lay in the yard on the grass and clear an afternoon for daydreaming asap. So good!

After their set, I literally raced downstairs to have a smoke and call J9 and tell her about what I had just heard. It was the first time in my whole life that I wished I had my own label because I would honestly pursue these two. As I was raving on the phone, they started their load out and I hung up on J9 to have a quick chat (see above re: card exchange, etc.) Even now, listening to the handful of songs they have their MySpace; I can feel myself tearing up. So beautiful. It's so amazing what you find when you don't even know you're looking. 

I honestly didn't mean for the main event, aka Johnny Handlebars to be a side note in this review. I hope that everyone involved with its production understands that I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was like... “The Sad True Story of Everyone at Jackpot Ever Kinda Starring Everyone That Ever Worked at Jackpot or Slims. Written and Produced by Everyone Else in Raleigh You've Ever Known.” I don't want that at all to sound smarmy or contemptuous, it is meant in the "holy-crap-every-single-person-that-walks-out-on-the-stage-is-someone-I-have-known-and-seen-around-forever-and-this-is-cracking-me-up-oh-holy-god-Brad-is-too-much-and-I-think-David-Mueller-just-gave-me-a-coronary" way.

I can’t give you any sort of history or facts about this show. What I can tell you, obviously, is about my experience. I had no idea what to expect. Johnny Handlebars is a Raleigh Legend, one of those things that I think you have to experience to say you are truly a Cap-City-Kid; (other required experiences: Drunk waffles at Hillsborough IHOP any time between the hours of 3 and 5am, Have sat in the parking lot stalking the “Hot Donuts Now” sign at Krispy Kreme on Person Street, Barfing somewhere in [or on] Slim’s, ‘Serious’ grocery shopping at or around 3am at Hipster Teeter in Cameron Village, Have attended at least one Goth Night at Legends, Would rather die than live OTB, hooking up with someone at the Lassiter Mill waterfall, Have hooked up with someone at the Rose Garden, Have attended and/or gotten blisteringly stoned at an Amateur’s show, Have lost the inability to survive without Cup A Joe coffee, Have attended and thoroughly enjoyed a show at Sadlack’s that you never intended to attend in the first place, Barfing in [or on] Jackpot, Attended at least 2 or 3 “omg Jackpot is closing” night parties, Have road tripped post-midnight to Acid Park, etc…)

The story of Johnny Handlebars is pathetic and sad and almost too true, like uncomfortably true. As in, we all know a Johnny Handlebars; a down on their luck, perpetually drunk, forever alone, heart of gold awkward antihero that’s always at the bar. The plot is simplistic I suppose (loser meets girl, takes a chance on love, heart gets broken, makes the right choice in the name of [unrequited] love, the end.) But what makes it are the songs, Lisa’s badass voice, and the cast of ridiculous characters. I guffawed, LITERALLY GUFFAWED, several times, and since I can’t hear shit I was sitting kinda up front under the speakers, so I know everyone must have thought I was an asshole, but whatever. I wasn’t patronizing anyone, I was honestly that amused. Been thinking about it a lot the past few days and I really can’t decide if it was the story, the lines, or the people that amused me quite so much.

I hope they do this show again, so I can convince more people to come with me next time.