Public Enemy - Fight The Power

Fisher-price’s my first activist song. For me, anyway.

Picture it: Fuquay-Varina, 1989. I’m 11 years old in 5th grade. I suddenly find myself shunning Debbie Gibson and turning to EPMD, BDP and the D.O.C. Much to the confusion and concern of my family, the pre-teen, chunky, red head girl hiding in her room suddenly found herself relating more to angry adult black men. Maybe it was because I felt oppressed myself… I was awkward, overweight, always hiding in books and didn’t play sports. I started learning about MLK and reading the autobiography of Malcom X. I found myself becoming overwhelmed with injustice. I was preoccupied with the baffling concept of racism and what the implications of slavery meant for our society. This was some heavy shit for a kid my age.

Around this time I started feeling like I was left out of some club. I felt myself being drawn to the black girls in my class. All we really had in common was our love for Mariah Carey and the Rude Boys, but I made it my mission to sympathize and make some sort of stride towards racial harmony in my podunk town in rural NC.

It was around this time I started clashing with my parents. I grew up with my parents throwing racial slurs around like action verbs, thinking nothing of it. I remember once sitting in the car at a pier at Carolina Beach. We were waiting for my brother to buy something inside. My mom and dad in the front seat, a couple walks past; black guy, white girl. My parents both grumble and make comments like “such a waste…” my mouth falls open. I remember it being the first time I stood up to them. I said something to the effect of “that’s really fucked up. You can’t help who you love.” And I got the “We will disown you if you ever bring home a black guy” speech.

(Aside: This is extremely ironic and completely unplanned… I am now in a deeply committed relationship with an Asian man. It took me several months to tell my parents. When I finally did, my mom said, “as long as he isn’t ‘B’.” She couldn’t even say “black.” I wish just once I had fallen for some black dude, just to challenge them. But I never did. Alas.)

Anyway, I digress… I was 11 or 12. I was suddenly opening my eyes to the world. I was expanding my socio-empathetic nature; I was burying myself in oppression and listening to more Marvin Gaye, U2, Peter Gabriel and Public Enemy. I started debates and straight up fights in my English and Social Studies classes. I started questioning authority way too early. When I think about all this, I am disappointed in the fact that I’m not some sort of great revolutionary leader. Is it ever too late? I have to believe it's not.

So when I hear this song I think about buying this tape, playing it in the car with my dad, him taking it out and telling me to get over it. I think about screaming at my PE teacher because he blatantly split the class into black and white for a football game one day in class. The day a friend wouldn’t talk to me because she told me I had an “A-T” (attitude) and I couldn’t understand what an A-T was and I thought it was a secret black girl thing, like a secret handshake into the club and I got even madder about how bad my ancestors fucked things up for me.

When i watch the video, however I mostly think… “what the hell happened to Flavor Flav? And Where the hell is Chuck D? We need him back.”

I also think about the space ghost episode where Space Ghost told Chuck D his favorite rapper was M.C. Escher.


Please Escher, don't hurt 'em!

Bobby Brown - On Our Own

I thought long and hard about this today. Do I put up a holier-than-thou front and only post about the "cool" songs that are sprinkled through my memories? Or do I stay true to my sudden realization, "Holy crap I have the most random shuffle on my iPod ever!" It would be very easy for me to only post about the standard acceptablesof rock, but if this is really all about the songs that have strongest memories for me, then this is where I landed today. I understand that a post about Bobby Brown so close to the beginning of this blog may deter some, hopefully the story will make up for that fact.

First of all this makes me think of; my dad and brother had gone out of town for some reason, so just mom and I were left alone for the weekend. She took me to see Ghostbusters II. This is the first movie I remember seeing alone with mom. The next, and I think last, was Steel Magnolias.

Next, this makes me think of middle school dances. I was 12, in 7th grade. My brother had moved up to high school so it was one of my first dances without "supervision." I was an awkward and chunky kid, I didn't have a lot of friends, but I never really cared about that, as I was a little strange, but I had a feeling I should, so I had some desire to fit in. But still, I wore weird clothes and read a lot. I didn't care about sports or boys. Why in the world I went to a dance alone, I have no idea. I've always been drawn to a) a lot of people dancing at once to extremely loud music and b) I can't stand being left out. If something cool was to happen and I would have missed it, I would be so pissed at myself.

So the gym, which probably the size of my parents garage in retrospect, (or not,) seemed gigantic. At the far end, away from the entrance, was the dj with gigantic speakers and disco balls. I don't remember speaking to anyone. I think I tagged along with a couple kids I hung around casually, running back and forth to the bathroom to talk about boys. Or they did, at least. I stood there and said things like, "Yes, I think he was looking at you." and "Yes your blue eyeshadow looks great."

I was people watching and critiquing the music. I saw on the bleachers for a while. when I look back on middle school dances, I think of the first dance in 6th grade where I sat by myself and cried a little because no one asked me to dance (I had some sort of fairy tale notion that I was an ugly duckling turned swan at that point). I think about the first time I ever slow danced with a boy named Nick, who my friend Summer later dated (post-high school) and said he had a fetish for listening to her pee. I also think about this song.

I was bored following Tina Hayes, (a girl my age who had the glorious misfortune of being the only girl in school taller than me at 12, and I was already 5'8" or so by then) and wandered towards the front of the gym to feel the vibrations of the music. There were all the cool kids doing the running man and kid 'n' play dance to songs like Joy and Pain. Suddenly this song comes on, and I distinctly remember thinking, "fuck it." and I started dancing. I am a terrible dancer. But I didn’t care. This is officially the first song I ever danced in public to.

Side note: this song also makes me think of my friend Adaam, because he sent me the YouTube link once months ago and agreed with me with regards to its awesomeness.

This song makes me think of: being 12 and strange.