Bobby Brown - On Our Own

I thought long and hard about this today. Do I put up a holier-than-thou front and only post about the "cool" songs that are sprinkled through my memories? Or do I stay true to my sudden realization, "Holy crap I have the most random shuffle on my iPod ever!" It would be very easy for me to only post about the standard acceptablesof rock, but if this is really all about the songs that have strongest memories for me, then this is where I landed today. I understand that a post about Bobby Brown so close to the beginning of this blog may deter some, hopefully the story will make up for that fact.

First of all this makes me think of; my dad and brother had gone out of town for some reason, so just mom and I were left alone for the weekend. She took me to see Ghostbusters II. This is the first movie I remember seeing alone with mom. The next, and I think last, was Steel Magnolias.

Next, this makes me think of middle school dances. I was 12, in 7th grade. My brother had moved up to high school so it was one of my first dances without "supervision." I was an awkward and chunky kid, I didn't have a lot of friends, but I never really cared about that, as I was a little strange, but I had a feeling I should, so I had some desire to fit in. But still, I wore weird clothes and read a lot. I didn't care about sports or boys. Why in the world I went to a dance alone, I have no idea. I've always been drawn to a) a lot of people dancing at once to extremely loud music and b) I can't stand being left out. If something cool was to happen and I would have missed it, I would be so pissed at myself.

So the gym, which probably the size of my parents garage in retrospect, (or not,) seemed gigantic. At the far end, away from the entrance, was the dj with gigantic speakers and disco balls. I don't remember speaking to anyone. I think I tagged along with a couple kids I hung around casually, running back and forth to the bathroom to talk about boys. Or they did, at least. I stood there and said things like, "Yes, I think he was looking at you." and "Yes your blue eyeshadow looks great."

I was people watching and critiquing the music. I saw on the bleachers for a while. when I look back on middle school dances, I think of the first dance in 6th grade where I sat by myself and cried a little because no one asked me to dance (I had some sort of fairy tale notion that I was an ugly duckling turned swan at that point). I think about the first time I ever slow danced with a boy named Nick, who my friend Summer later dated (post-high school) and said he had a fetish for listening to her pee. I also think about this song.

I was bored following Tina Hayes, (a girl my age who had the glorious misfortune of being the only girl in school taller than me at 12, and I was already 5'8" or so by then) and wandered towards the front of the gym to feel the vibrations of the music. There were all the cool kids doing the running man and kid 'n' play dance to songs like Joy and Pain. Suddenly this song comes on, and I distinctly remember thinking, "fuck it." and I started dancing. I am a terrible dancer. But I didn’t care. This is officially the first song I ever danced in public to.

Side note: this song also makes me think of my friend Adaam, because he sent me the YouTube link once months ago and agreed with me with regards to its awesomeness.

This song makes me think of: being 12 and strange.