Grace Under Pressure - The State of Things: Spring 2014

Most people have known what they what to be when they grow up for a very long time. Whether or not you actually made this dream a reality is up to each of us to decide; we may have gotten to our goal and became a veterinarian or rock star; some of us are still struggling to make that dream come true. Some folks just dream forever and never try; my dream of what I wanted to be when I grew up is something I've tinkered with my entire life. As longtime readers of my blog can affirm; I've always wanted to be a writer. I have never written anything that I have been paid for, save the poetry contest I won my sophomore year in high school where I wrote a long narrative style poem in the style of Oscar Wilde's Ballad of Reading Gaol, of which I had I recently discovered and devoured, about an Irish immigrant – a woman who left her lover and was a stowaway on a liner bound for America... I got $25. Other than that; it's all journals, notebooks, blogs and unsent (and some sent, yet copies kept) love letters. I finished my first novel when I was in 8th grade... total crap, I promise you. I wrote it on my first word processor, a Brother WP-3400. It's premise was what you would expect from someone like me at that age; a kid in love with someone who didn't know I exist and suddenly we meet through some outrageous twist of fate and fall in love – BUT IT WAS A DREAM THE WHOLE TIME! 

….jaysus. I, honest to god, begged my dad to make me 8 copies of that shitstack and I literally sent it out to publishers, whose addresses I found by begging my mom a ride to the local library and actually using reference books to “how to publish a book.” 

...when I think about how hard you had to hustle pre-internet to get anything done, I am overwhelmed with how unlikely this dream all seems. You kids got it too easy these days, man!

So I keep on blogging... after the “teenage dream” novel, I set out on my next novel that I started my freshman year of high school; an ambitious effort! I actually did heavy research for this one; spent every weekend for months in the library getting my facts straight – it was set in Northern Ireland during the heavy bombing campaigns by the IRA in the 1980s... I'd just discovered U2, you see, and my social consciousness curtain was ripped wide open. A little more than ¾ into that novel I signed myself up and saved allowance to pay for a creative writing workshop held not far from my high school... I was the youngest in the class by a good 5 years... it was helpful and an excellent resource but a total mindfuck... sometimes someone teaches or tells you something that opens your mind's eye so wide you can never shut it again; the woman who lead the workshop read an excerpt from my novel in process and she said it was more or less good, I cant remember any kind of praise because what she said next changed my writing abilities forever... “It's good but not believable, you can only write what you know and the reader can always tell”... so basically, if I wanted to write about a story set in Belfast, Northern Ireland, how could I expect success if I've never been there? This information settled like a ton of bricks in my understanding of the universe and my abilities to process it... If I wanted to write about true love, how could I if I had never experienced it? If I wanted to write about different cultures and continents, how could I without traveling the world? If I wanted to tell my story, how could I until I felt and understood myself completely? 

What transpired after that conversation was a relentless, exhaustive, yet still ongoing quest to see, feel, hear, experience, taste, love and live EVERYTHING so I could write about it. I started making travel plans that very afternoon. This little bit of information may help any of those still trying to decipher my intensity, self-absorption, and main directive in life. I can't settle down, I can't marry, I can't buy a home or stay in one place too long... not until I am satisfied that I can finally “write what I know.”

I have had epiphanies. I have had moments of such divine clarity that I have been rendered speechless for days. I have had dreadful realizations about human existence that sent me into blackout drunks spanning over weeks at a time. I have walked away from opportunities and people that were “too easy” because without plot advancement, there was no narrative. I have inadvertently placed myself in treacherous situations in a subconscious effort for a good story. I have taken chances most people interested in retaining their health, sanity, or assets would never consider. All of this in the name of my dream.

Earlier last year I was laid off from a job of 9 years that I didn't know I loved until it was gone; much like much everything in my life I can only truly love in hindsight... after the world opened all it's doors and windows wide to me, I became overwhelmed... Another job? School? Move away? Travel? ...Travel! So after a month or two of floundering and tossing ideas into the universe I finally took the one big chance I never dared myself to take; give away almost all my possessions and run away. 

I can't tell you for sure the moment I knew I wanted to come home; it honestly depends on the moment you ask me... homesickness? My ex? Exhaustion? My health? But in true-me fashion, the decision to return was made just as suddenly as the one to leave. And now I have found myself floundering once again, unable to commit to one single idea or situation; save this one... In the first few nights I was all alone in that jungle I faced my own kind of magic-mirror gate and I sat down and I started to write. All of those years of saving up stories and living these tragedies and victories began to spill out of me and it hasn't stopped since. 

I offer this to you now, my sparse and loyal blogfolk, as a brief-as-i-can-get explanation of the lack of updates that you have seen since I've been back; I am writing. For me. Not blogs, not journal, not love letters I'll never send, not letters I'll send and BCC myself on to use as reference for the future.... none of that. I am finally telling my story. I have you, those who encouraged, inspired, contributed and supported me in these past few years to thank for that.

In the mean time, I will try my best to write and update as inspiration strikes but you may also feel free to follow me on twitter, as I use the blog's account to live tweet as many shows as I attend, which is honestly as many as it's ever been. There will be many more. The story isn't over yet, but for the first time in my life the term “open ended” doesn't scare the shit out of me.

Here are some things that have happened since my last post (in no particular order,) in case you haven't been peeping my twitter:

dum dum girls

IWTDI as In the Name of Love

"Sepultura" at the Great Coverup

"Motörhead" at the Great Coverup

Hank Sinatra at the Benefit for Brisco

Same as it Ever Was - the best Talking Heads tribute band ever!

"Sonic Youth" at the Great Coverup

"FEAR" at the Great Coverup

"The Ramones" at the Great Coverup

Colossus at the Demon Eye CD Release party

Holly Hunt in Wilmington

Demon Eye CD Release Party

this guy.

There is more; There is always more... I'll be around, I promise! xoxo

How to Summon a Whirlwind – Shake It Like A Caveman, Demon Eye, The 1975, and The Neighbourhood (And other assorted misadventures)

Upon returning from Costa Rica, I had managed to convince myself that if I was not meant to be with a certain ex of mine, it was therefore my destiny to be forever alone; unrequited and justified. Through a series of notoriously unplanned events, as is my tendency, the universe felt determined to prove to me once again, no matter how hard I fight it, I am not in charge. I am ready to accept this for the time being. (Ask me again in six months, who knows? Another existential crisis is always imminent!)

SO--- In an effort to take back some pride left on the floorboard of my soul's undercarriage I spent good deal of time brain picking and harassing one of my dear friends, Courtney, in an effort to make sense of the fact that I am 36 years old, still single, and still somehow convinced of the puppies-and-rainbows version of true love despite the indelible shitstorms life seems insistent on sending my way.

Within one week these things happened:

1) I reactivated my okcupid profile and edited it within an inch of its life, up to and including the following blurb:

“A guy I once went out with told me that my entire profile sounded like a manifesto for why I didn't want a boyfriend. I wouldn't say that's true; I prefer to think of this as me formally issuing a challenge upon the entire male population. Besides... I'd rather have a partner in crime than a boyfriend, any day.”

2) this text conversation happened:

Click to embiggen, obvs

3) I met This Guy, who we will affectionately call "DJ Roadtrip" going forward...

This is twice now that I have summoned the seemingly perfect man with a“Perfect Dude” list. The last one fucked me up for a long time, as all of Raleigh and specifically the Landmark Patio Crew can attest to. Taking a chance on this guy was risky. I hesitantly jumped in whole-heartedly.

Here a few of the actual items on the new list (which are absurdly descriptive of DJ Roadtrip):

-High fives when something is awesome and doesn't feel embarrassed

-supports local music, will rally with me through all of hopscotch, has favorite bands that inspires irrational passion and will dance with me at shows

-generous with compliments and tells me I'm pretty a lot

-creative & thoughtful gift giver / love letter writer

-will sing karaoke with me

These are the actual things I have so far observed about DJ Roadtrip:

1) I am good at the dreaming out loud, this guy is good at putting my abstract plans into action

2) As of yet there has not been one situation or suggestion that I have made that he has not (more or less) said “Why not?” to

3) As of yet, there has not been one situation or suggestion that he has made that I have not (more or less) said “Why not?” to

4) He does what he says he is going to do

5) He seems to continually one-up me on the spontaneity factor (completely acceptable)

6) He seems to continually one-up me on the new music sharing via YouTube, etc., factor (not sure how this is even possible)

7) Even his quirks have quirks

8) In this shortest span of time we have somehow already managed to cultivate our own language/universe/ecosystem of quirks and the inability to communicate with anyone outside of our symbiotic system seems imminent

Conclusion: The past couple weeks have been a fucking whirlwind of amazingness.

The beginning: He messaged me via okcupid the most obtuse and bizarre message I have yet to receive in my online dating career; it was more an obscure narrative than an intro message. I had to open and close the thing three times before I knew what to do with it. I eventually caved and responded. Less than 24 hours later I am sitting at The Pinhook with him and we're talking so fast over each other that anyone trying to eavesdrop would have been more than befuddled. Within the first hour or two of knowing him I realize; He's never met a stranger, He knows a thing or two about a thing or two, He reeks of Soul, and most importantly; whatever my tempo – slow and sweet or wildly staccato, He keeps my pace.

The evening somehow managed to see us racing from Durham back to Raleigh to my favorite dive-y karaoke night at Mission Valley Champions where the fool sang the Dandy Warhols' “Bohemian Like You”... Jesus. I'm still not sure if I've stopped swooning yet.

Next night? Want to hang out again? ...Of Course. Dinner and GIGANTIC drinks at Capital Club, a beer or two at Mecca and then a “Dance Party” of sorts at Neptune’s.

A Wee Draught at Cap Club!

This is what a typical Dance Party at Nep's consists of, didn't you know?

Night Three: Chapel Hill.

This was DJ Roadtrip's email to me:

So in Chapel Hill tonite, there's nobody playing the Cradle, and shows at Nightlight and Local 506 that I'm not too excited about.

BUT - I found one thing that looks pretty interesting, and it's at the Cave, of all places, and it's the opening band on a three-band bill.

See what you think.  Here's the show:

Small Town Gossip

12.12.2013
9:30 pm

$5 with Johnathan Loos, Shake it Like a Caveman http://www.smalltowngossipmusic.com/

and here's the interesting part:

http://www.shakeitlikeacaveman.com/pressbio/

also the videos on his website:

http://www.shakeitlikeacaveman.com/

Whaddya think?

;)

This is what we saw:

Holy Crap! You hear “One Man Band” and you think Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins, you think goofy bastards getting in your way at the fair; you never think Psychobilly delta blues or the lovechild of jack white and Muddy Waters. There was a brief “costume” change before his set, just standing to the left of his kick drum, he strips down to black sweatpants with skeleton bones printed down the leg. A trucker hat, 80s glasses... Honest to god if you didn't know what to expect you'd be sure that a big hot mess was about to erupt into your face. And the really cool thing about that is, that you did get face explosion – Of kickass danceblues! There was even a song with an audience participatory dance! Worth every penny of the $5 cover to the Cave, (which I had not been to since Mark Connor took over the place). The best part was that my buddy, sweet Emily Jane posted two days later to her facebook that she had wandered into Slim's and was watching one of the strangest and best one man bands ever to grace the stage – and who else could it be but the Caveman!

AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION!!1!1!!

After the high energy (albeit poorly attended, unfortunately) performance at the Cave, a folksy one-dude-playing-acoustic guy took the stage and DJ Roadtrip and I got antsy. He grabbed me by the hand and took me on random tour of the bar upstairs (DJ Roadtrip interjects here: "Have you forgotten our romantic visit to the deserted starlit rooftop?") and we wandered back down to the Cellar and back out the back of The Cave; running into another guy he knew (He knows EVERYONE! One night we might have to play a game and keep score? I have hence been informed this was Rob from The Spinns) So here it gets fuzzy (as I am wont to do, when liquor is involved and I'd decided it was a night of 7&7s...) so either this random guy reminded us that Demon Eye was playing Nightlight or I had some burst of cognitive prowess and somehow remembered – either way, we headed in that direction... He led the way, of course! Also, it stands to be noted that at some point during the show DJ Roadtrip introduced me to one of the former members of the band Archers of Loaf and I fan-girled myself into a full body flush! 

Aside:

I have lived in Raleigh my entire life, more or less. I have been to Chapel Hill infinite times. However, for whatever reason my mind has decided to block Chapel Hill entirely from my mind's map. Everyone has stupid things they are good at, I am notorious for my impeccable sense of direction. I go anywhere once and I can get to you there again, and probably with a shortcut. With the sole exception of Chapel Hill... It's like as soon as I make that first little veer to the right off 40 onto 54, my whole body tenses up and I go blank. I have been to Cat's Cradle or 506 approximately 8 billion times but I swear I couldn't tell you how to get there without an iPhone for the life of me. My theory on this is that being raised in Raleigh by an avid NCSU alumni for a dad I was reared with a mental block against all things UNC. It's either that, or the fact that I had my first actual panic attack at the Morehead Planetarium when I was 15. either way, Chapel Hill... It's a big black hole to me, seriously.

Demon Eye!!!

First of all, you should check Karen Mann's blog for pictures from DemonEye's show with Sinister Haze and Corpse Mountain at Slim's from12/11/13, as she is an outstanding photographer and exponentially better than me at capturing these guys' energy!

So, as you may know if you're familiar with my writing, this is mostly a narrative style review blog, so these shows are all basically the story of the evening with maybe a little bit of info tucked in here and there... maybe... so the things I have to say about Demon Eye are mostly personal, of course... Erik Sugg is one of the coolest and best people I know in real life! Not only is he hellaciously talented, fronting such bands as Demon Eye, Corvette Summer, Dragstrip Syndicate, and infinite side projects, but he's a DJ, a well known and deeply loved Public Librarian and Storyteller, and an all-around really decently awesome guy. Seeing him and his wife, Robin, out and about will always make my night! (Not to mention, he's a regular at my restaurant!) So that bragging aside, one of my very favorite things about Erik is (as with most things that are my favorite things) the delicious irony of the fact that he is genuinely one of the nicest people on the planet and then when he performs, he sounds like he just graduated top of the class from the Ozzy Osborne School of Hard Rock... One of my favorite memories is finally catching a Corvette Summer show after getting to know him from the restaurant and then watching in awe as his hair went flying! I've never seen someone rock so hard and make it sound so effortless!

So yes, in truth, Demon Eye is not typically the kind of music I find myself chilling out to on my rainy coffee shop afternoons... but their live show is no less than majestic! DJ Roadtrip said I needed to make sure I posted a link to "this bloodcurdlingly witchy video" (quoting him) to one of their songs...

Also, I wanted to make sure I linked to this article from Metal Temple that calls their new album "Leave the Light," a masterpiece!!! The album's official release date is 1/24/14. the Raleigh CD release show is Saturday, February 1st at Kings with COLOSSUS and Solar Halos! You can safely assume I'll be there and suffering major Metal-neck the next day!!!

If the Nightlight's a-rockin', you best come a-knockin!

The 1975 & The Neighbourhood: (106.5's Not-So-Acoustic X-mas), Neighborhood Theater, 12/13/13

So I haven't had a “guest blogger” in a long time, but seeing as how DJ Roadtrip is an actual "somewhat semi-pro journalist" (quoting him, again!), and he took actual notes from the show, I'm going to post his review after I give you a little backstory...

I discovered The 1975 through Spotify and was instantly in love. Peppy and Poignant, not unlike The Rapture, the big Pink or Hot Chip, these young British kids either have a dynamite management team behind them or they're just chockablock full of raw talent. Their wiki article seems legit, so I'm going with talent... This is probably one of my favorite albums of the year. So when I heard they were coming close-ish, I, of course, wanted on board. What I failed to note, however, was that this show had them teamed up with a top 40 hit band and was part of a local Charlotte radio station Christmas party... so the show, by the time I got my shit together enough to make an effort to make it happen, was long sold out. I put the bug in DJ Roadtrip's ear and he, being a guy who gets shit done, made some calls and this happened:

We Be Pressin'

So we took off on our first official road trip together, officially capitalizing the “w” in Whirlwind!

First of all, Priceline hooked us up with an almost 50% off deal at the Omni in downtown CLT (swanky!) and then we took off to catch up with the radio folks who had hooked us up with passes and had some pretty amazing food.

view from our room: A+!!!

Later, we headed out to the venue. Our passes afforded us VIP balcony seats and free beers – The show, needless to say, was fantastic. However, I was not ready for the fact that apparently both the 1975 and The Neighbourhood are tween hipster idols... the majority of the show was sporting black Xs across their hands (to which I walked in a few different times to the bathroom to girls scrubbing away furiously at their paws). The girly screams from the audience almost drowned out the bands, as their was literally no speakers or monitors on the balcony, our entire sound was coming from far below on the stage (an old venue, I guess. Oh well - Beggars can't be choosers!)

 

 

The show still sounded great, I love The 1975 and am really looking forward to their show at the Cat's Cradle in May 2014 and The Neighbourhood was pretty cool, even though I really only knew the one song that gets played on G105 like twice an hour. I did get the set list, which was utterly delightful!

"Sweadoo Weathoo"??! get outta here... too cute! 

And here's what DJ Roadtrip had to say about our adventure:

The show ended, and a dance party erupted in the art gallery corner of the Neighborhood Theater, in the heart of Charlotte's NoDa district.  Earlier in the night, the line for the ladies' room was so long it had stretched out almost into this space, which was right by the front entrance.  Maybe because The 1975 was making a lot of panties wet.  Judging by the screams that greeted their every move.  And The Neighbourhood, too.  It was out of control.  They had big monitors that showed people's live tweets about the concert, and women were tweeting stuff like, "Let me take you to brunch tomorrow," and "Can I come take my shoes off in your van?".  Perhaps their hearts were touched by that song Girls off their debut album.

We had met a couple sitting near the front of the venue right before The Neighbourhood came on, Jamie and her friend Sebastian, who was from Chile.  Jamie said that unlike most of the women we'd met so far, who were mostly into The 1975, she was a big Neighbourhood fan, and had dragged Sebastian along with her.  "I listen to the radio station a lot," she said, "and I heard about the show right when they announced it, so I bought tickets."  Good thing for her, because that shit sold out in four days flat.  After The Neighbourhood's set, Jamie was pumped.  "They were awesome!" she said.  "Now you know why I like them so much."

Anyway, we left the after-show dance party in search of another dance party.  Which may have been at another NoDa spot called Growler's, but we never found that place.  Because we got distracted by a padlocked joint that looked like a barn, the Rat's Nest.  Along the way, we ran into Jessica Hernandez and her band the Deltas, on tour out of Detroit.  They were playing down the street that night at the Evening Muse, fresh off a stop in Chapel Hill at Local 506 the night before, and heading to Baltimore the following night.  Jessica and all her bandmates were very cool, and there's a trombonist on board!  He was a big Fred Wesley fan. 

  

We wound up at Jack Beagle's, which was reco'd to us by Lee and his longtime girlfriend Kirsten.  Lee told us that on Wednesdays, a blues guitarist in his mid-20s named Skinny Velvet usually plays.  "When he performs," said Lee, "he entertains the crowd with his whole body."  Lee also claimed we'd find a dance party there, but no dice.  In fact, the night's band had just finished playing when we rolled up.  Although we immediately met all the members of the Sore Cocks, the greatest QOTSA tribute band that never was.  And "Comfortably Numb" came on the sound system.  The smells coming out of the kitchen were intoxicating, and we found a table and ordered some incredibly tasty late night food.

Then we had time to catch our breath and properly reflect on the night's events.

Unlike Jamie, the three co-eds from Atlanta who I talked with were all smitten with The 1975.  Hannah, Caitlyn, and Catherine said they'd been "glued to the internet" watching 106.5's website, waiting for this show to be announced.  After The 1975 finished their set, they got to meet singer/guitarist Matt Healey, who gave them one of his picks.  

They were so psyched they were bouncing up and down.  And when I met them they were switching outfits for The Neighbourhood's set.  Because really, it's not a rock show unless you can change costumes in the hallway.

A couple more really good songs came on at Jack Beagle's - Cold Hard Bitch by Jet, and Private Eyes, a lil' blue-eyed soul courtesy of Hall & Oates.  We decided they serve the best waffle fries on the planet.  "Chik-fil-A's wishes they had waffle fries like these," said Karla.  "Ones not seasoned with homophobia." You tell it, girl!  Then they suddenly cut off Life In The Fast Lane.  Because whoever was in charge of the satellite feed decided that the far better track was Rivers (Of the Hidden Funk).  Co-written by Don Felder and Joe Walsh, and a failed contender for inclusion on The Long Run, but resurrected for There Goes The Neighborhood, Joe's solo album from 1981.

DJ Roadtrip ponders the universe and continues:

The night before, we had met Chris from Corpse Mountain as he was loading out.  They opened for Demon Eye at Nightlight in Chapel Hill, but we missed their set.  Chris implied they sound like a mountain of corpses all screaming at once, which would be pretty epic.

Earlier that afternoon at the Heist Brewery, after we missed the acoustic set that The 1975 played a few hours before the concert, we were telling Andrew our server about Demon Eye.  And he turned us on to Deathlehem.  They perform in full medieval armor, slaying their audiences with GWAR-style sludge metal. Later, at the Neighborhood Theater, we saw a painting of Deathlehem's disciples at the Heavy Metal Last Supper.

The next day, on the drive back from Charlotte, Karla asked me with a straight face, "Did you know that Humpty once got busy?"  I shook my head in disbelief.  "Yeah," she said, "in a Burger King bathroom."  A little while later, we listened to Tommy Roe keepin' things Dizzy.  Karla makes the best roadtrip playlists I have ever heard, no joke about that.

Anyway, Lee and his girlfriend Kirsten had been looking at the Deathlehem-esque painting with us.  And later, at Jack Beagle's, we ran into them again, out on the incredible patio that was kept warm with industrial sized heaters, big pipes with heat pouring out of 'em, burning the whole place up even though it was 40 degrees outside.

At the concert, we talked with a lot of the folks who worked at the Neighborhood Theater, including Daniel, who was holding things down at the door, and Chelsea, who tried to get us backstage so Karla could take some closeups of the band.  When that didn't work out, she kept us and the rest of the balcony supplied with very tasty hefeweizens from another nearby NoDa brewery.  There's a lot of breweries around there!  Like we heard Woody from 106.5 say on the radio as we were heading back to our hotel, use that brand new app that all the kids with twenty bucks to burn are using to call yourself a cab if you've been hanging out late night in NoDa, especially if you've been sampling DZL's new double IPA at the Heist Brewery, which will kick your ass.  Gratuitous product placement plug, but I thought it was pretty delicious.

Overall, it was a fun show, and a good time was had by all.  Especially the dude I saw exiting the men's room during The Neighbourhood's last song with a lady on each arm.  The female pheromones unleashed at this event were truly a force of nature!

So with Charlotte officially conquered, we toddled back to town in a total downpour and like any proper whirlwind, there was an aftermath... a cold so severe it turned into bronchitis that knocked me on my back for almost an entire week... I'm just now starting to peel myself from the couch. The deliciously ironic end to the story is that DJ Roadtrip had to pick up a day or so later to leave for up north where his family resides until mid January or so, but not before he accompanied me to Landmark's annual Christmas party...

I pity the fool who don't respect the patio!

It was a perfect crescendo to perfect whirlwind. So the question remains, will the storm continue in January or will those few perfect days remain a memorial to my stubbornly high ideals of love and partner-in-crimedom? ...Only time will tell!

Until then, I remain, your ever faithful eternal optimist and live music junky.

Xoxo

ka