How to Summon a Whirlwind – Shake It Like A Caveman, Demon Eye, The 1975, and The Neighbourhood (And other assorted misadventures)

Upon returning from Costa Rica, I had managed to convince myself that if I was not meant to be with a certain ex of mine, it was therefore my destiny to be forever alone; unrequited and justified. Through a series of notoriously unplanned events, as is my tendency, the universe felt determined to prove to me once again, no matter how hard I fight it, I am not in charge. I am ready to accept this for the time being. (Ask me again in six months, who knows? Another existential crisis is always imminent!)

SO--- In an effort to take back some pride left on the floorboard of my soul's undercarriage I spent good deal of time brain picking and harassing one of my dear friends, Courtney, in an effort to make sense of the fact that I am 36 years old, still single, and still somehow convinced of the puppies-and-rainbows version of true love despite the indelible shitstorms life seems insistent on sending my way.

Within one week these things happened:

1) I reactivated my okcupid profile and edited it within an inch of its life, up to and including the following blurb:

“A guy I once went out with told me that my entire profile sounded like a manifesto for why I didn't want a boyfriend. I wouldn't say that's true; I prefer to think of this as me formally issuing a challenge upon the entire male population. Besides... I'd rather have a partner in crime than a boyfriend, any day.”

2) this text conversation happened:

Click to embiggen, obvs

3) I met This Guy, who we will affectionately call "DJ Roadtrip" going forward...

This is twice now that I have summoned the seemingly perfect man with a“Perfect Dude” list. The last one fucked me up for a long time, as all of Raleigh and specifically the Landmark Patio Crew can attest to. Taking a chance on this guy was risky. I hesitantly jumped in whole-heartedly.

Here a few of the actual items on the new list (which are absurdly descriptive of DJ Roadtrip):

-High fives when something is awesome and doesn't feel embarrassed

-supports local music, will rally with me through all of hopscotch, has favorite bands that inspires irrational passion and will dance with me at shows

-generous with compliments and tells me I'm pretty a lot

-creative & thoughtful gift giver / love letter writer

-will sing karaoke with me

These are the actual things I have so far observed about DJ Roadtrip:

1) I am good at the dreaming out loud, this guy is good at putting my abstract plans into action

2) As of yet there has not been one situation or suggestion that I have made that he has not (more or less) said “Why not?” to

3) As of yet, there has not been one situation or suggestion that he has made that I have not (more or less) said “Why not?” to

4) He does what he says he is going to do

5) He seems to continually one-up me on the spontaneity factor (completely acceptable)

6) He seems to continually one-up me on the new music sharing via YouTube, etc., factor (not sure how this is even possible)

7) Even his quirks have quirks

8) In this shortest span of time we have somehow already managed to cultivate our own language/universe/ecosystem of quirks and the inability to communicate with anyone outside of our symbiotic system seems imminent

Conclusion: The past couple weeks have been a fucking whirlwind of amazingness.

The beginning: He messaged me via okcupid the most obtuse and bizarre message I have yet to receive in my online dating career; it was more an obscure narrative than an intro message. I had to open and close the thing three times before I knew what to do with it. I eventually caved and responded. Less than 24 hours later I am sitting at The Pinhook with him and we're talking so fast over each other that anyone trying to eavesdrop would have been more than befuddled. Within the first hour or two of knowing him I realize; He's never met a stranger, He knows a thing or two about a thing or two, He reeks of Soul, and most importantly; whatever my tempo – slow and sweet or wildly staccato, He keeps my pace.

The evening somehow managed to see us racing from Durham back to Raleigh to my favorite dive-y karaoke night at Mission Valley Champions where the fool sang the Dandy Warhols' “Bohemian Like You”... Jesus. I'm still not sure if I've stopped swooning yet.

Next night? Want to hang out again? ...Of Course. Dinner and GIGANTIC drinks at Capital Club, a beer or two at Mecca and then a “Dance Party” of sorts at Neptune’s.

A Wee Draught at Cap Club!

This is what a typical Dance Party at Nep's consists of, didn't you know?

Night Three: Chapel Hill.

This was DJ Roadtrip's email to me:

So in Chapel Hill tonite, there's nobody playing the Cradle, and shows at Nightlight and Local 506 that I'm not too excited about.

BUT - I found one thing that looks pretty interesting, and it's at the Cave, of all places, and it's the opening band on a three-band bill.

See what you think.  Here's the show:

Small Town Gossip

12.12.2013
9:30 pm

$5 with Johnathan Loos, Shake it Like a Caveman http://www.smalltowngossipmusic.com/

and here's the interesting part:

http://www.shakeitlikeacaveman.com/pressbio/

also the videos on his website:

http://www.shakeitlikeacaveman.com/

Whaddya think?

;)

This is what we saw:

Holy Crap! You hear “One Man Band” and you think Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins, you think goofy bastards getting in your way at the fair; you never think Psychobilly delta blues or the lovechild of jack white and Muddy Waters. There was a brief “costume” change before his set, just standing to the left of his kick drum, he strips down to black sweatpants with skeleton bones printed down the leg. A trucker hat, 80s glasses... Honest to god if you didn't know what to expect you'd be sure that a big hot mess was about to erupt into your face. And the really cool thing about that is, that you did get face explosion – Of kickass danceblues! There was even a song with an audience participatory dance! Worth every penny of the $5 cover to the Cave, (which I had not been to since Mark Connor took over the place). The best part was that my buddy, sweet Emily Jane posted two days later to her facebook that she had wandered into Slim's and was watching one of the strangest and best one man bands ever to grace the stage – and who else could it be but the Caveman!

AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION!!1!1!!

After the high energy (albeit poorly attended, unfortunately) performance at the Cave, a folksy one-dude-playing-acoustic guy took the stage and DJ Roadtrip and I got antsy. He grabbed me by the hand and took me on random tour of the bar upstairs (DJ Roadtrip interjects here: "Have you forgotten our romantic visit to the deserted starlit rooftop?") and we wandered back down to the Cellar and back out the back of The Cave; running into another guy he knew (He knows EVERYONE! One night we might have to play a game and keep score? I have hence been informed this was Rob from The Spinns) So here it gets fuzzy (as I am wont to do, when liquor is involved and I'd decided it was a night of 7&7s...) so either this random guy reminded us that Demon Eye was playing Nightlight or I had some burst of cognitive prowess and somehow remembered – either way, we headed in that direction... He led the way, of course! Also, it stands to be noted that at some point during the show DJ Roadtrip introduced me to one of the former members of the band Archers of Loaf and I fan-girled myself into a full body flush! 

Aside:

I have lived in Raleigh my entire life, more or less. I have been to Chapel Hill infinite times. However, for whatever reason my mind has decided to block Chapel Hill entirely from my mind's map. Everyone has stupid things they are good at, I am notorious for my impeccable sense of direction. I go anywhere once and I can get to you there again, and probably with a shortcut. With the sole exception of Chapel Hill... It's like as soon as I make that first little veer to the right off 40 onto 54, my whole body tenses up and I go blank. I have been to Cat's Cradle or 506 approximately 8 billion times but I swear I couldn't tell you how to get there without an iPhone for the life of me. My theory on this is that being raised in Raleigh by an avid NCSU alumni for a dad I was reared with a mental block against all things UNC. It's either that, or the fact that I had my first actual panic attack at the Morehead Planetarium when I was 15. either way, Chapel Hill... It's a big black hole to me, seriously.

Demon Eye!!!

First of all, you should check Karen Mann's blog for pictures from DemonEye's show with Sinister Haze and Corpse Mountain at Slim's from12/11/13, as she is an outstanding photographer and exponentially better than me at capturing these guys' energy!

So, as you may know if you're familiar with my writing, this is mostly a narrative style review blog, so these shows are all basically the story of the evening with maybe a little bit of info tucked in here and there... maybe... so the things I have to say about Demon Eye are mostly personal, of course... Erik Sugg is one of the coolest and best people I know in real life! Not only is he hellaciously talented, fronting such bands as Demon Eye, Corvette Summer, Dragstrip Syndicate, and infinite side projects, but he's a DJ, a well known and deeply loved Public Librarian and Storyteller, and an all-around really decently awesome guy. Seeing him and his wife, Robin, out and about will always make my night! (Not to mention, he's a regular at my restaurant!) So that bragging aside, one of my very favorite things about Erik is (as with most things that are my favorite things) the delicious irony of the fact that he is genuinely one of the nicest people on the planet and then when he performs, he sounds like he just graduated top of the class from the Ozzy Osborne School of Hard Rock... One of my favorite memories is finally catching a Corvette Summer show after getting to know him from the restaurant and then watching in awe as his hair went flying! I've never seen someone rock so hard and make it sound so effortless!

So yes, in truth, Demon Eye is not typically the kind of music I find myself chilling out to on my rainy coffee shop afternoons... but their live show is no less than majestic! DJ Roadtrip said I needed to make sure I posted a link to "this bloodcurdlingly witchy video" (quoting him) to one of their songs...

Also, I wanted to make sure I linked to this article from Metal Temple that calls their new album "Leave the Light," a masterpiece!!! The album's official release date is 1/24/14. the Raleigh CD release show is Saturday, February 1st at Kings with COLOSSUS and Solar Halos! You can safely assume I'll be there and suffering major Metal-neck the next day!!!

If the Nightlight's a-rockin', you best come a-knockin!

The 1975 & The Neighbourhood: (106.5's Not-So-Acoustic X-mas), Neighborhood Theater, 12/13/13

So I haven't had a “guest blogger” in a long time, but seeing as how DJ Roadtrip is an actual "somewhat semi-pro journalist" (quoting him, again!), and he took actual notes from the show, I'm going to post his review after I give you a little backstory...

I discovered The 1975 through Spotify and was instantly in love. Peppy and Poignant, not unlike The Rapture, the big Pink or Hot Chip, these young British kids either have a dynamite management team behind them or they're just chockablock full of raw talent. Their wiki article seems legit, so I'm going with talent... This is probably one of my favorite albums of the year. So when I heard they were coming close-ish, I, of course, wanted on board. What I failed to note, however, was that this show had them teamed up with a top 40 hit band and was part of a local Charlotte radio station Christmas party... so the show, by the time I got my shit together enough to make an effort to make it happen, was long sold out. I put the bug in DJ Roadtrip's ear and he, being a guy who gets shit done, made some calls and this happened:

We Be Pressin'

So we took off on our first official road trip together, officially capitalizing the “w” in Whirlwind!

First of all, Priceline hooked us up with an almost 50% off deal at the Omni in downtown CLT (swanky!) and then we took off to catch up with the radio folks who had hooked us up with passes and had some pretty amazing food.

view from our room: A+!!!

Later, we headed out to the venue. Our passes afforded us VIP balcony seats and free beers – The show, needless to say, was fantastic. However, I was not ready for the fact that apparently both the 1975 and The Neighbourhood are tween hipster idols... the majority of the show was sporting black Xs across their hands (to which I walked in a few different times to the bathroom to girls scrubbing away furiously at their paws). The girly screams from the audience almost drowned out the bands, as their was literally no speakers or monitors on the balcony, our entire sound was coming from far below on the stage (an old venue, I guess. Oh well - Beggars can't be choosers!)

 

 

The show still sounded great, I love The 1975 and am really looking forward to their show at the Cat's Cradle in May 2014 and The Neighbourhood was pretty cool, even though I really only knew the one song that gets played on G105 like twice an hour. I did get the set list, which was utterly delightful!

"Sweadoo Weathoo"??! get outta here... too cute! 

And here's what DJ Roadtrip had to say about our adventure:

The show ended, and a dance party erupted in the art gallery corner of the Neighborhood Theater, in the heart of Charlotte's NoDa district.  Earlier in the night, the line for the ladies' room was so long it had stretched out almost into this space, which was right by the front entrance.  Maybe because The 1975 was making a lot of panties wet.  Judging by the screams that greeted their every move.  And The Neighbourhood, too.  It was out of control.  They had big monitors that showed people's live tweets about the concert, and women were tweeting stuff like, "Let me take you to brunch tomorrow," and "Can I come take my shoes off in your van?".  Perhaps their hearts were touched by that song Girls off their debut album.

We had met a couple sitting near the front of the venue right before The Neighbourhood came on, Jamie and her friend Sebastian, who was from Chile.  Jamie said that unlike most of the women we'd met so far, who were mostly into The 1975, she was a big Neighbourhood fan, and had dragged Sebastian along with her.  "I listen to the radio station a lot," she said, "and I heard about the show right when they announced it, so I bought tickets."  Good thing for her, because that shit sold out in four days flat.  After The Neighbourhood's set, Jamie was pumped.  "They were awesome!" she said.  "Now you know why I like them so much."

Anyway, we left the after-show dance party in search of another dance party.  Which may have been at another NoDa spot called Growler's, but we never found that place.  Because we got distracted by a padlocked joint that looked like a barn, the Rat's Nest.  Along the way, we ran into Jessica Hernandez and her band the Deltas, on tour out of Detroit.  They were playing down the street that night at the Evening Muse, fresh off a stop in Chapel Hill at Local 506 the night before, and heading to Baltimore the following night.  Jessica and all her bandmates were very cool, and there's a trombonist on board!  He was a big Fred Wesley fan. 

  

We wound up at Jack Beagle's, which was reco'd to us by Lee and his longtime girlfriend Kirsten.  Lee told us that on Wednesdays, a blues guitarist in his mid-20s named Skinny Velvet usually plays.  "When he performs," said Lee, "he entertains the crowd with his whole body."  Lee also claimed we'd find a dance party there, but no dice.  In fact, the night's band had just finished playing when we rolled up.  Although we immediately met all the members of the Sore Cocks, the greatest QOTSA tribute band that never was.  And "Comfortably Numb" came on the sound system.  The smells coming out of the kitchen were intoxicating, and we found a table and ordered some incredibly tasty late night food.

Then we had time to catch our breath and properly reflect on the night's events.

Unlike Jamie, the three co-eds from Atlanta who I talked with were all smitten with The 1975.  Hannah, Caitlyn, and Catherine said they'd been "glued to the internet" watching 106.5's website, waiting for this show to be announced.  After The 1975 finished their set, they got to meet singer/guitarist Matt Healey, who gave them one of his picks.  

They were so psyched they were bouncing up and down.  And when I met them they were switching outfits for The Neighbourhood's set.  Because really, it's not a rock show unless you can change costumes in the hallway.

A couple more really good songs came on at Jack Beagle's - Cold Hard Bitch by Jet, and Private Eyes, a lil' blue-eyed soul courtesy of Hall & Oates.  We decided they serve the best waffle fries on the planet.  "Chik-fil-A's wishes they had waffle fries like these," said Karla.  "Ones not seasoned with homophobia." You tell it, girl!  Then they suddenly cut off Life In The Fast Lane.  Because whoever was in charge of the satellite feed decided that the far better track was Rivers (Of the Hidden Funk).  Co-written by Don Felder and Joe Walsh, and a failed contender for inclusion on The Long Run, but resurrected for There Goes The Neighborhood, Joe's solo album from 1981.

DJ Roadtrip ponders the universe and continues:

The night before, we had met Chris from Corpse Mountain as he was loading out.  They opened for Demon Eye at Nightlight in Chapel Hill, but we missed their set.  Chris implied they sound like a mountain of corpses all screaming at once, which would be pretty epic.

Earlier that afternoon at the Heist Brewery, after we missed the acoustic set that The 1975 played a few hours before the concert, we were telling Andrew our server about Demon Eye.  And he turned us on to Deathlehem.  They perform in full medieval armor, slaying their audiences with GWAR-style sludge metal. Later, at the Neighborhood Theater, we saw a painting of Deathlehem's disciples at the Heavy Metal Last Supper.

The next day, on the drive back from Charlotte, Karla asked me with a straight face, "Did you know that Humpty once got busy?"  I shook my head in disbelief.  "Yeah," she said, "in a Burger King bathroom."  A little while later, we listened to Tommy Roe keepin' things Dizzy.  Karla makes the best roadtrip playlists I have ever heard, no joke about that.

Anyway, Lee and his girlfriend Kirsten had been looking at the Deathlehem-esque painting with us.  And later, at Jack Beagle's, we ran into them again, out on the incredible patio that was kept warm with industrial sized heaters, big pipes with heat pouring out of 'em, burning the whole place up even though it was 40 degrees outside.

At the concert, we talked with a lot of the folks who worked at the Neighborhood Theater, including Daniel, who was holding things down at the door, and Chelsea, who tried to get us backstage so Karla could take some closeups of the band.  When that didn't work out, she kept us and the rest of the balcony supplied with very tasty hefeweizens from another nearby NoDa brewery.  There's a lot of breweries around there!  Like we heard Woody from 106.5 say on the radio as we were heading back to our hotel, use that brand new app that all the kids with twenty bucks to burn are using to call yourself a cab if you've been hanging out late night in NoDa, especially if you've been sampling DZL's new double IPA at the Heist Brewery, which will kick your ass.  Gratuitous product placement plug, but I thought it was pretty delicious.

Overall, it was a fun show, and a good time was had by all.  Especially the dude I saw exiting the men's room during The Neighbourhood's last song with a lady on each arm.  The female pheromones unleashed at this event were truly a force of nature!

So with Charlotte officially conquered, we toddled back to town in a total downpour and like any proper whirlwind, there was an aftermath... a cold so severe it turned into bronchitis that knocked me on my back for almost an entire week... I'm just now starting to peel myself from the couch. The deliciously ironic end to the story is that DJ Roadtrip had to pick up a day or so later to leave for up north where his family resides until mid January or so, but not before he accompanied me to Landmark's annual Christmas party...

I pity the fool who don't respect the patio!

It was a perfect crescendo to perfect whirlwind. So the question remains, will the storm continue in January or will those few perfect days remain a memorial to my stubbornly high ideals of love and partner-in-crimedom? ...Only time will tell!

Until then, I remain, your ever faithful eternal optimist and live music junky.

Xoxo

ka

Out of the Jungle and into the Fire - The Killers, Costa Rica, Gray Young, New World Highrise, Toon & The Real Laww, and Vienna Teng!

...Longest Blog post title ever? Well hold on to your hold-on-ables, as this is actually going to be a mostly pic-heavy post, to boot!

I felt a sense of obligation to explain to my faithfuls why there has been a huge black hole in my blog for the past few months, where Hopscotch should have been. Well, we all know I go through fits of depression and straight up laziness, which makes for inconsistent content. Alas, here i sit with time and energy and a steady internet connection, so here we go!

The Killers - August 12, Redhat Amphitheater

There are bands that on the neo-hipster scale that I absolutely adore that I'm sure most of my friends would agree are perhaps sellouts or too big for their britches, (U2 and Coldplay to name a couple obvious ) and I'm sure The Killers are in the non-in crowd as far as Indie cred goes... honestly, I couldn't give two shits. I LOVE them, always have, and used a small part of my well-deserved severance money (Oh, didn't you hear? I got laid off!) and bought the best tickets you could get for their show in Raleigh! My former bandmate and one of my all-time best friends, Jayseph, came along for the ride!

friends are friends forever!

It was well timed and staged perfection, and sounded SO GOOD as expected for a quasi-arena show for a megaband. I heard all my favorite songs, made friends with all the gay kids half my age in the pit and got generally overly emotional, as expected. 

Why so emotional? Well, good tunes with which I have unnaturally deep connections with, obviously ...(um, All These Things That I've Done?? Hello?) but also there was the whole "I gave away everything I owned and moved into the Jungle of Costa Rica to work on an Ecofarm, isolate myself and finish my Novel" thing.. which I did. Without going into too much public detail, (as it was a totally personally intense situation,) I didn't stay quite as long as I thought I would, but in the end, I didn't need to. Unfortunately all this self-reflection and Tao reading just happened to take place while Hopscotch rolled around, so I missed it. And the bluegrass festival...

Cut my hair off, stopped wearing a bra, and ran around in the jungle with a Machete for a few months... the only excuse I have for missing Herpskerch.

BUT! I came home just in time for:

The Last Gray Young show - Slim's - Oct 3

They say all great things must come to an end. But in this case, I am virtually inconsolable, as the VERY BEST THING has come to an end... for now, anyway... Gray Young has decided to take a little break. I am trying my best to come to grips with this now. Pre-show and about halfway through, I believe I was in a bit of denial... But as the entire Kitten Army was in attendance and once Dana and I hit the Bloody Mary's, it became all too clear that the end was neigh --- therefore the setlist was compromised and edited by your truly, I may have stagecrashed a little, and also forcibly broke the nearly 3 year vow of silence and all but attacked Chas on stage to thank him, basically for saving my life. I can't be completely sure, as the gods of convenient blackout drunkdom seems to have blocked out specific details, but its entirely possible i cried. like, a lot. It's what I do, man.

holy crap, i love you guys.

can't decide if this is my proudest ever moment or if should be mortified?

It was, for all intents and purposes, believe it or not, probably my favorite GY show I've seen, and I promise you, I've seen lots. Probably has something to do with the fact that do many of my favorite people were in attendance, that the last half of the show became a ridiculous dance party, and mostly because I was riding high on the surreal wave of my triumphant return from Costa Rica. 

I think I'm still in denial. They'll be back.

kinda hard to see, but I was handed a pen and was told to edit the set list, which I did.

The following sunday, after work, I found myself racing downtown once again to catch:

New World Highrise - Oct 6 - Slim's

The band that Jay was working so hard to make happen when we were tinkering around with the Clink - a mix of Jay's songs and the songs of others... a poprocks/80s indie postpunk - all good things - IT feels funny talking about them, because I feel like I'm bragging, as Jay called me up onstage to sing, as well. I had missed that, for sure!

I had actual face-pain from smiling so broadly with so much pride!

Toon & The Real Laww - King's - Oct 11

This show was a real "Should I or shouldn't I?" conundrum - I have seen these guys several times, but this was an EP release party, so I knew it would be a good one... I literally was indecisive until about 5 minutes before an awkward Landmark patio situation drove me into the arms of killer hip-hop!

I was glad I went. The crowd, every time I see them, knows more and more songs, gets denser and more excited... It's awesome seeing groups grow in the scene! Local music Pride!!!

photo taken specifically to taunt Sir Austin Parker

Professor Toon is a fan of House of Swank! YES!

I may have also incited a stagecrash at this show, as well. Which then erupted into one of the best post-show dance parties I have EVER seen!!!

I grabbed Laww and told him "IT'S TIME TO GET SOME SEXY LADIES ON STAGE!" and of course invited myself along!

And on that day, shit got cray.

Vienna Teng - Carolina Theatre, Durm - Oct 12

I found Vienna on a quirky internet channel I listened to for about 6 years straight before i discovered Spotify called "Radioparadise" - honestly one of the greatest radio stations ever - 90% of the songs are ones I love and the other 10% are songs I fall in love with; ergo Vienna... Blue Caravan was the first song I remember hearing and being all like .... "ohhhh mygah... what IS THIS? i love!" and then devouring everything i could fit in my earholes after. I was incredibly lucky to see her and Alex Wong a few years back at the Broad Street Cafe with an intimate crowd, that put me right up front. This time she played an actual (and quite beautiful) concert hall. The sound was pristine and the songs were totally emotional and my companion for the show was charming and my friend Amy is the best.

(haven't uploaded the only little video i took from the show, but here is a video from the last time i saw her at Broad Street, back in 2010 xoxo)

I've learned it best not to promise publicly or even personally, that I'll be anywhere at any time. I have learned that I am not fickle or flaky, I have learned to trust my instincts and my body and sometimes my instincts just lead me to bed early... Therefore, I can't promise you any reviews of any specific shows, but I can instead give you a pretty good idea of where I might be :)

Next monday I was tipped off that I would be a fool to miss Wild Belle at King's

Next thursday at London Bridge is a benefit for Cause for Paws, (a local charity I support wholeheartedly) called Pints for Paw - Try and come out!

Oh, the glory of no longer living downtown - an empty events calendar! But hey, I'm not saying don't invite me, or anything... If you hear about a I shouldn't miss or would like to use me to promote your shows, as always - I'm down, y'all. I'm always down...!

xoxo

a little story 'bout the 'Mac

I stated this blog as an outlet for all the stories of my songs. My best friend gave me the idea… she said something like “you have a story for every song you hear. You should write them all down.” So several years ago, I started doing just that. Eventually I moved them over to public web format. I started writing all the memories associated with all the songs to the soundtrack of my life. Hence the memories in auralmemories.

Some songs have such a strong hold on my hippocampus that it’s almost as if I time travel. I can feel my posture and mood change, my mind reverts back to 22 or 4 or 12 and I am right where I was when this or that song imprinted itself upon me. I think for other people this happens with other things… maybe with foodies; they taste something and they are back where they were the first time they had fois gras, or maybe a fisherman finds himself back beside his father as a child whenever he catches a certain type of bass. Me, when I hear certain songs, I time travel. Not all the memories are good, obviously. There are certain songs that are tied so intensely to certain people or events that they are on my ipod/spotify permanent ban list. There are some songs that invoke such a strong reaction from me that I know better to listen to them in public, lest I cry for joy or find myself wiggling and dancing in my seat, not unlike having a seizure. (I had to create a special playlist on my spotify for such songs, because I knew if they ever popped up on my list, they would basically cause me to embarrass myself in public.)

A couple years ago I made the switch from Song Stories to show reviews. Sometimes other editorial nonsense re: my depression pops up (one year ago today.. perhaps I have a pattern?), but otherwise, it would appear I have all but dismissed the stories of the songs. And I find myself more and more drawn to these stories. Perhaps it’s because I have been spending so much time compiling my memoirs into a novel and so many of these song-stories comprise so much of the tale that I find myself compulsively writing this to you now.

This morning was the first morning this season I have been able to comfortably wear a skirt and not feel like I am freezing to death. Recent health issues have found me at my all time lowest weight and struggling with anemia. Basically I am freezing. Always. The forecast called for mid to upper 90s today in the triangle, so I decided I would struggle through the first few hours of the day to revel in the heat this afternoon on my daily routine of sitting outside Morning Times with a good puzzle and a great coffee drink and feeling one of my favorite feelings in the world… Sweat. I never get to sweat. Even when I was heavier, I was always cold-natured. And now, as a frighteningly underweight mid 30s gal, I never get to sweat (and no. I don’t exercise. I can’t and I won’t... Not getting into that.) So I adore summertime. I adore humidity and direct sunlight. I’ve had my family and certain friends joke that I am like a cat, I will always find the place to sit and be where there is one blazing hot beam of sunlight directly on me. Wonderful!!! The best days are when I am wearing a skirt, blasting my headphones and I’m in a good groove on a challenging puzzle then… victory…! That first roll of sweat that runs from behind my crossed knee down my leg. Sublime. …Yeah… I’m weird.

How this is related: my first spring away at college. I was homesick as it was, I was sick of cold as well. I hate winter. I will most likely when I reach the appropriate age, be one of those old folks that retire to Florida, if not further south. I despise being cold. So somewhere in the spring of my freshman year, I was 16 (yes, I was early) and I had discovered a fabulous new distraction – the World Wide Web! My parents had just signed up for AOL at the house. It was baffling to me. When I got back to school after Christmas break, I had found it necessary to use one of the many computer labs on campus for a paper. (This was before anyone had personal computers, really. I think there was one girl in our entire dorm that has a desktop.) As I typed up my paper, I realized there was a girl beside me using some sort of text only program to seemingly chat with someone. She explained it to me and I started using it myself. I can’t even begin to remember what it was called, I am pretty sure it was some infant stage of mIRC, completely DOS based and was only reachable with a series of typed commands that ended with typing in “xyzzy”… (this was ‘95/’96, btw.) So that’s what I called it…. xyzzy.(the current net has little resources on this, but i know it existed. the only things popping up with a xyzzy google search now has something to do with minecraft?)

For me; struggling with homesickness, self image issues, blossoming mental issues; this chat-world was a divine escape. (This all coincides with the basis for a big part of my memoirs, so I won’t go too in depth because I want you all to read my book one day.) But what had happened was this… the first boy I ever loved, I never met. I’ve told the story here before,which you can read as a summation to the experiences that lead to these memories.

Basically in between classes, I would I would sit in the labs and kill time on this chat program, talking about U2 or books or whatever… waiting for and subsequently responding to his emails. We would write novellas. I printed every email. They were like sacred texts to me. I would carry them around with me and re-read them over and over, about how he had gone to work as a waiter after class and came home to listen to Fugazi (*swoon*) or describe the sandwich he had for lunch… (*sigh!*)… we were disgustingly smitten with each other. It wasn’t until weeks into it all that I ever even saw a photo of him, albeit pixilated and almost inscrutable. I didn’t even care. He was a shaggy, blonde adorable blue eyed California boy with dimples… way out of my league, but it never even occurred to me that it would be an issue. We made plans to run away together every other day…. Even now, 20 something years later, I wouldn’t know him if he slapped me in the face. But that love, it was one of the first and truest things I’d ever felt in my life. It’s the most pure and perfect memory of love that I have, it’s the basis for all things. Nothing can touch it, nothing will erase it. Surely by now he’s married with a brood of children. I hope that he is, I send him all my love and blessings… he gave me the greatest story I know to tell.

So how this is all related to Fleetwood Mac.

My parents gave me a very limited budget. I had a 10 meal, meal plan for each week and I was given an allowance of $20 a week. As a smoker and coffee addict (some things never change), this was a difficult lifestyle. But I managed. I traded cds with the local shop, CD Alley (doesn't appear this still exists in Greenville. Sad.) Somehow, somewhere in there, I found myself with a used copy of Fleetwood Mac’s Greatest Hits… the green album. And I played the hell out of it. Not entirely sure why, but something about it resonated with me. Some sort of passion or serenity or wispy loveliness. I would sit in the lab, for hours, writing him novella emails about my roommate or the sunlight on my shoulders or whatever it happened to be at the time and “Sara” would be blasting in my ear holes and I was the happiest I had ever been in my thus short life. He and I would email each other “suggested listening” for our emails… James Taylor, Nat king Cole, stuff like that. I think I remember once telling him to listen to “Everywhere” for one such email. When I hear those first twinkly notes… that little bit of magic swirling around before the melody starts, I always think of him.

When I hear certain songs from this album, I am 17ish, I am fat and awkward and I don’t care because I am loved by a boy I’ll never meet and he cares what I had for lunch and what shoes I’m wearing today. Sometimes when I get discouraged about never finding “the love of my life” or that the right person isn’t out there for me, I remember this boy and I hear the right Fleetwood Mac song and I am blissfully ignorant of the pain to come and anything is possible.

I don’t listen to this album too much because sometimes that level of bittersweet is overbearing. But this morning, I am indulging myself. I’m letting myself remember and just letting it be what it was. A quirky girl and a sweet, gentle boy falling in love to the soundtrack to smooth 70s soft rock on opposite sides of the country.

all my love to you, wherever you are, kid.